Sunday, August 5, 2012

50 Shades of hey

I'm back! It's hard to produce an excuse for my lengthy absence, but please allow me to try. I will keep it brief so we can move on to more pressing matters. Do you know any IT people who just can't seem to get their computer to function properly? How about a lawn care specialist whose own yard looks like an homage to The Jungle Book? I've been plagued with this problem as of late. It's hard to read and write when you've been reading and writing all day long. I have been searching for a fix.

The fix:

Wait. Please don't assume I have read this piece of Twilight fan fiction, often dubbed as 'mommy porn', and found inspiration in doing so. Don't assume this, because you don't have to assume. You can be certain. The result is that I am starting the Book Club for Men. I understand if confusion floods the mind when trying to formulate a link between E.L. James' book and pushing for a formation of a book club for men. Let me make it simple. How amusing would it be to be a fly on the wall when a dozen men are discussing the sexual transformation of the shy Anastasia Steele through the BDSM driven Christian Grey? I'd love to see it! But, alas, this will not be the first book we read. We've got to ease our way in (pun intended?).

The format:

We commit to meet once a month. Each member of the group chooses a book, and we will select which book to read based on when each member signed up to take part. What you choose is your choice. If someone in the group has been an asshole and you want to ruin their month, select War and Peace. If Shel Silverstein transformed you from a bastard into a model citizen, and you think you it will do the same for me, suggest The Giving Tree.There is no topic we can't tackle together!

Here are the rules:

1. You must read the book. If it becomes apparent during discussions that you're throwing out platitudes or cowering in the corner, we will quiz you. If our group, as a whole, determines that you didn't complete the required reading then we will dole out appropriate punishments. This is a democracy, dammit! These will probably be delivered to you in the form of a shot of booze. Careful, though. I hardly think a "cement mixer" or "fuck me sideways" should be motivation for you to support illiteracy through your non-compliance.

2. We're reading your book. Bring us some beer. Please make sure it is tied in with what we were reading. Using The Giving Tree as an example, Angry Orchard or Woochuck would be nice. For 50 Shades of Grey, I might like to sip on some Arrogant Bastard. You get the point.

3. Crap. I'm out of rules.

Due to recent Chick-Fil-A adversities and current events surrounding sexuality, religion and the rights of the individual, I have selected the first book to kick off this group. It is, at times, a little shocking. Gay bath houses in San Francisco in the early 1980's may not be a topic some would like to mull over. At other times, it's funny and heart wrenching. Christians, you need heed no warning. After reading this selection, I am not sure how this book got it's name. There is almost no religion mentioned in this book. Maybe that was the point. So, without further adieu, I give to you book #1.

When you're ready to join, please call me, text me, email me, write me a letter or send me a smoke signal if that's all you've got. This group will soon have you saying,

“This is wrong, but holy hell is it erotic.” ~E.L. James