Sunday, April 3, 2011

Wedding Blog from one man's perspective, Pt. 1

After some prodding to write a wedding blog from the male perspective, I gave in. Please understand that I am aware of the dangers in doing so, but I have refused to heed such warnings.  Victoria will understand, I'm sure...but just in case I am too cocksure, like the ignorant almost always are, then I apologize to her in advance. Let me start by saying that moving toward a proposal is like strapping yourself to an  amusement park ride and being pulled up several stories, waiting for your gut to drop. The drop is visible, and you see those in front of you beginning to put their hands to the sky (I'm 29, so I'm seated somewhere near the middle). When let loose, the uncontrollable plummet begins. It all began with her chasing me around the car, trying to gain back possession of this little black notebook. If you read this, honey, you are fast as hell on those two little feet.

I obviously won the footrace, only to find pictures of bridesmaids dresses, cloth swatches, and a guest list. Holy shit! My contributions so far have been mostly been contrived of insisting on playing drug riddled songs by KiD CuDi during the ceremony and deciding that maybe a mariachi band specializing in metal music might just be the right choice for us. The thing is, she went along with all of my decisions. She's willing to put up with quite a bit of my shit.

Here is one example:
Before I proposed, we went to bubble gum alley to see The Lord of the Cello Marston Smith wail in the streets of downtown San Luis Obispo.  He is armed with an electric cello, light box and one bitching fan.  I mean, the air moves through this guy's hair like a Kansas tornado as he croons the women in his golden breastplate of armor. There are even videos of him playing atop a mountain, in complete Yanni fashion.

After insisting that maybe he had just played "our song", she continued to speak to me.  I was baffled. Soon after, we settled near the pier at Avila, where a Dr. Seuss quote won her back to my side.

So, I have concluded that this woman does really love me, which is no easy task. I still have the freedom to insert KiD KuDi songs into the ceremony, which I never thought would really happen. On top of this, I have complete freedom in naming our first born son, unequivocally. I'm leaning toward Maximum Force Wood, but am open to suggestions.  I am also curious if there are any proven ways to insure a male is born, though I will love all of my children no matter the sex. Really...let me know, though. 

Here's the deal. She still finds me as a compatible mate. Even after my family hesitated to congratulate us (only slightly) because of our announcement on April Fool's Day, she is still in. Campy street performers can't even drive her away. I'm starting to become grateful of the little black book she so diligently chased me around the car to gain possession of, unsuccessfully. They say the Devil is in the details, and she has the Devil on a short leash.  As a man, unable to fully gain focus on these details, I am extremely lucky to have a beautiful woman to come in and tighten the slack.

Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit
Feelin’ lit feelin’ light, 2 am summer night.
I don't care, hand on the wheel, drivin drunk, I'm doin’ my thang
Rollin the Midwest side and out livin’ my life getting’ out dreams
People told me slow my roll I'm screaming out fuck that
Imma do just what I want lookin’ ahead no turnin’ back
if I fall, if I die, know I lived it to the fullest
if I fall, if I die, know I lived and missed some bullets



  1. Haven't changed a bit. Good luck to you both! When is the big day?

  2. Thank you. We're shooting for late September to try and take advantage of the weather before winter comes back around.

  3. Congrats Craig! I'm sure we will share some of the same experiences with the wedding planning. I think the goal is just to survive until the honeymoon. If you actually get to enjoy parts of the planning process, that's just icing on the cake.

    By the way, if there's ever a need for another revolution, Maximus Force Wood sounds like just the guy to lead it!

  4. Nice! I dig the blog, man. That's a pretty great Dr. Seuss quote too, I must say.

  5. If you have a daughter, how about "Morning Spring"? It has a nice ring to it. And, although it wouldn't be directly applicable to her, somehow I also doubt "Maximum Force" will apply to your son. : )

    Fun posts, Craig. Keep them coming!

  6. And if you take my suggestion for the girl's name, her nickname could be "Mo." Yes, the idea is growing on me.